“Sometimes we have to retreat to return.” So says Iti, who is living in Gurgaon but is far from happy. A freelance editor, struggling to make it as an author, her life is a mess. Feeling lost and unsuccessful, particularly compared to her more successful classmates, who are rich and married while she lives alone consumed by a “pointless bitter anger, this bile that inhabits me.” As Iti spends each day looking at the WhatsApp chats of her former classmates, showing off their trappings of success, she comes to the conclusion that something has to change. Unable to bear the malaise of her life anymore, she flees Delhi for home. Home is a small village in Kumaon, nestled in the foothills of the Himalaya and the place where Iti had some of her happiest childhood memories.
Running away from her problems and in search of her former happiness, she finds herself back in her home village in a life that’s radically different from the one she left behind. In a small cottage with limited Internet access, her life is no longer a series of distractions and procrastination from editing jobs. Surrounded by her elderly family, and with no work to do, she delves into the history of the family she has ignored or forgotten about. Yet Iti soon finds her home and childhood different to how she remembered. All is not what it first seemed. As one of her grandmothers says to her “the past doesn’t exist. I don’t want to visit it.” Iti’s search for the truth among those who would prefer to forget is central to the story, “confront it, hold it firmly, no evasions and you can handle it” Iti thinks. “The truth has to be held fearlessly, like a stinging nettle.”
Recuperating in the Himalaya, she reflects on her past loves, trauma and experiences. Over time, her perception of her home changes from a place of stability and serenity to something rather different. Iti soon realizes while she fled her troubles and left many of them behind in Gurgaon, now she has new ones to deal with. Soon, as her life in the village becomes her reality as opposed to a temporary escape, she learns to embrace the life she previously ran from.
In the cottage, she meets Nina, a mysterious cousin she never knew about, who is living in the family home. Yet her family are reluctant to provide her with information about who she is. As Iti’s suspicions about who Nina really is and where she came from builds, she will soon learn far more about her family’s inner secrets and shame than she ever imagined. In a powerful backdrop of the Himalayan peak of Nanda Devi, a scandal is brewing and ultimately erupts, a scandal that sheds light on the past
The Himalaya and life in its foothills are an ever present-constant in the book. This is not a romanticized Himalaya but a pragmatic depiction, one that shows the reality of living in an often hostile environment. Iti writes, “nature seemed too close for comfort. This was not a romantic idyll—it was a struggle, a battle.” This battle was ultimately a remarkable story of loss and family in a remarkable setting.